Baptists, Conservatives, Shrimp & Coffee With A Twist Of Lemon

When I was a young'un sitting in Baptist Sunday School, I learned that not all Baptists were the same. There were North American Baptists, American Baptists, Southern Baptists, General Conference Baptists, and Seventh Day Baptists. We even heard horrifying stories about groups of Baptists that did not frown on dancing.

Bubba from Forrest Gump listed all the ways one can cook shrimp; Wikipedia lists all of the Baptists. The numbers are, in fact, comparable.

Conservatives seem to be branching out in the same way as the Baptists have. There are neocons, paleocons, crunchy cons, social conservatives, and business roundtable conservatives. There may be a slight difference between conservatives and Baptists, however. The Baptists of my youth claimed to be Southern Baptist or North American Baptist. There were part of a list just like like the of shrimp dishes Bubba listed. Conservatives, however, will probably define themselves in the same way that Steve Martin orders coffee in this clip.

The Baptists seemed to agree only on the fact that one must be fully immersed to be baptized. I wonder if conservatives will all be able to agree on the policy detail that constitutes the twist of lemon.