Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The Republican Candidates and Superheroes

Andrew Sullivan posts this clip of a 9 year old New Hampshire boy asking Republican candidates which superhero they'd be.

Unsurprisingly, most of them named Superman.  Surprisingly, none of them mentioned that they wanted to be Superman because he stood for truth, justice, and the American way.  I have to hand it to Rick Santorum; he stays on his family values message when he discusses Mr. Incredible.

At the risk of being presumptuous, allow me to match superheroes with the candidates.

Mitt Romney is Plastic Man.  The name matches the candidate's smile and the power to stretch oneself matches Romney's ability to tie himself into knots as he tries to explain his rapidly evolving political positions.

Herman Cain should have selected Booster Gold.  Cain's candidacy was more of a book tour than a campaign; Gold is as much a huckster as he is a hero.

Lest I be accused of ignoring the Marvel Universe, Reed Richards, aka Mr. Fantastic, the Fantastic Four's scientist extraordinaire, should have been Jon Huntsman's choice.  Huntsman is the only Republican who accepts a scientific consensus on climate change.  At least he used to accept the scientific consensus.

Newt Gingrich and Tony Stark match up pretty well.  Stark, aka Iron Man, claims to be a futurist just like Gingrich claims to be an idea man.  Both have personal lives that have been shambles.

The only hero who matches Ron Paul's stand on the gold standard is The Lone Ranger who uses silver bullets.  They both have been linked to some questionable stances on race issues as well.

The Scarlet Witch can alter reality; Michele Bachmann wants to

Rick Santorum wants to be a first tier candidate, but he comes up short.  In that respect, he's just like Bucky Barnes who wants to be just like Captain America but doesn't quite measure up.

Finally, Rick Perry and the Thing both need to think things through a bit more than they do.  Sometimes a simple message isn't quite enough.

Yes, I have no life.  I am, however, married and do not live in my mother's basement.

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