Monday, March 11, 2013

A Minor Musing About What Would Happen If Hollywood Reduced Gun Violence

It seems as if people of all political stripes are willing to condemn Hollywood gun violence.

I have a modest proposal. Let's have Hollywood remake two of my favorite television programs and one of my favorite films: The Andy Griffith Show, The Rockford Files, and The Maltese Falcon. The producers should follow the original scripts.

Andy Taylor, Griffith's character famously did not carry gun. Barney Fife, the character that defined Don Knotts's career, infamously was allowed only one bullet for his revolver which he repeatedly discharged accidentally and humorously.

Jim Rockford, played by James Garner, hid his gun in a cookie jar and would only "reluctantly retrieve the gun he stored there." He seldom shot the gun even when he did point it.

In The Maltese Falcon, Samuel Spade, played by Humphrey Bogart, didn't carry a gun because he didn't like them. He did, however, get a lot of practice taking guns away from Wilmer and Joel Cairo. Neither armed man could handle the unarmed Spade unless he kicked Spade while the detective was down after drinking a drugged glass of scotch..

I'll bet a tub of movie theater popcorn with extra butter that the pro-gun crowd would loudly scream liberal bias if Hollywood remade these programs and movie exactly as they were originally made. After all the gun loving characters are inept and the good guys who are competent want to avoid guns. They would contend that the series and movies illustrate and obvious liberal effort to make to make gun users look ridiculous.

By the way, law-abiding liberals might be angry that Rockford carries an unregistered gun. Good people would always follow registration laws after all.

I'll go double or nothing that the NRA would be angry because they wouldn't have any new Hollywood guns to add to their museum.

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