Sunday, October 13, 2013

The South Dakota US Senate Race And Bad But Accurate Poetry

Dorthy Parker was one of America's finest wits. Her poem "Resume" has always been one of my favorite bits of weird verse.
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
With apologizes to Ms Parker, I offer the following verse as a review of the South Dakota 2014 US Senate race to date.
Rounds is a plastic plutocrat;
Nelson blindly follows Cruz;
Weiland's an unelectable Democrat,
And Rhoden's views are old news.
Bosworth's effort makes no sense
As she copies Kristi Noem.
Love to elect a mensch,
but I may have to stay at home.
I don't want to be cynical without some verification. Line one seems blindingly obvious. If one doubts the veracity of line two, I refer you to Representative Nelson's Twitter feed. Those who doubt line three can check South Dakota voter registration numbers. For line four, I offer Rhoden's Wikipedia page:
Rhoden is running for a United States Senate seat in 2014, calling himself a "conservative voice for limited government." Rhoden opposes abortion, same-sex marriage, "career politicians," "activist judges," and immigration "amnesty."
That language could have been used by a Republican candidate who ran in 1976, the first year I could vote. Line five comes from here and line six from here. As for lines seven and eight, I'll vote; I just won't be happy about it.


Stace Nelson said...

I have never blindly followed anyone, let alone a man I have never met. While I may have admiration for the good Senator from Texas, my fealty is to my own principles, and the people of this nation I have served with proven love and devotion..

There is one true conservative in this race, and that is why I answered the many calls of South Dakotans to run..

Kal Lis said...

Rep. Nelson,

Thanks for stopping by. I will respectfully offer that you have shown a lot of support for Senator Cruz and his ill-fated effort to defund Obamacare. I will also contend that the results we are currently witnessing were predictable.

Your objection to the phrase "blindly following" rests on common usage. I will claim that the doggerel I composed allows me to claim poetic license and contend that those who supported Cruz were blind in that they did not see or chose to ignore an outcome that they should have anticipated.