Friday, March 15, 2013

If We Ban Paring Knives, Only Criminals Will Have Paring Knives

A family in Maine discovered a paring knife in an Elmo birthday cake. Walmart volunteered to give the family a free cake and announced a ban on "the use of pairing knives at its bakeries across the country."

Clearly Walmart's top managment has been overly influenced by liberal hysteria. The banning of paring knives obviously violates the 2nd Amendment which reads "the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed." it doesn't limit itself to firearms. The founders were clearly familiar with the knife and would consider an person bearing a knife armed.

Don't the liberals running Walmart know that paring knives don't ruin birthday cakes or birthday parties; people who put paring knives in birthday cakes ruin birthday cakes?

Banning paring knives doesn't prevent some absent minded Walmart kitchen employee from setting a butcher knife down near the bakery and ruining a three year old's party by corrupting a My Little Pony cake with a large knife that has just been used to slice pastrami.

The South Dakota legislature will reconvene on March 25 to consider vetoes and perform other business. The most responsible thing legislators could do on that day is pass legislation authorizing every Walmart in South Dakota to create a corps of paring-knife-knife weilding sentinels to ensure that no deranged person can storm a Walmart bakery and leave another paring knife in another birthday cake.

The father of the birthday boy in Maine said "We're not going to get that second birthday back ever." We must do everything we can to prevent other children from having their youth stolen by ruined birthday parties.

HT: Kevin Drum

Update: It appears that sharp objects are frequently misplaced.

 

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