Saturday, July 14, 2012

Breaking News: Merit Pay Still Doesn't Work

New York City used this RAND corporation-Vanderbilt study to justify ending its program. Jersey Jazzman uses that occasion to cruelly points out that there's no Merit Pay Fairy:
we looked for the Merit Pay Fairy in Tennessee: she wasn't there. She wasn't in Texas, either. Corporate reformers stayed up all night in Chicago waiting for her; she never showed. She wasn't in Michigan. We even tried looking for the Merit Pay Fairy in 18th Century England; sorry, mate.
Governor Daugaard is nothing if not a skilled politician, so he must have some October surprise in store to insure that Referred Law 16, his version of merit pay, is enacted. If there's no Merit Pay Fairy, he probably won't insult voters' intelligence by trying to produce one. I'm just guessing here, but the Governor may try one of the following to show voters that he is indeed the person who can make merit pay work when no one else could.
  • He and his friends can produce a live Sasquatch they bagged during the Governor's Hunt. Bigfoot is set in Deadwood, so there's a fictional precedent.
  • He can produce the WMDs that were supposed to be in Iraq. I'm sure he's got people on his staff who could write a believable story about finding them in a couple of abandoned missile silos.
  • He may start building a baseball diamond in a corn field. When asked why he's sacrificing crop land during a drought, he will whisper, "If you build it, merit pay will work."
  • He can claim that he's found Noah's Ark in the Black Hills.
  • Desperate times require desperate measures, so he may try to do something bi-partisan like produce conclusive proof that Al Gore did indeed create the Internet.

3 comments:

Mike Larson said...

This made me chuckle. Thanks LK.

LK said...

If this made you chuckle, seeing Danny Bonaduce as a DJ who's a political power broker should produce hysterical laughter. That Bigfoot movie is just terrible. Alice Cooper does a cameo

caheidelberger said...

...or whenever someone asks DD about merit pay, he'll ask all the veterans in the audience to stand up and be recognized.