Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Saving Endangered Political Species: Is it Already Too Late?

America's paper of record, The Onion, turns it's satiric attention to the lack of moderate Republicans in a "report" "New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct".
According to members of the Initiative to Protect the Political Middle (IPPM), centrist Republicans, who once freely roamed the nation calling for both economic deregulation and a return to Reagan-era tax rates on the wealthy, are in dire need of protection, having lost large portions of their natural terrain to the highly territorial Evangelical and Tea Party breeds.
"Our new program is designed to isolate the few remaining specimens of moderate Republicans, mate them in captivity, and then safely release these rare and precious creatures back into the electorate," said IPPM’s Cynthia Rollins, who traces the decline of the species to changes in the political climate and rampant, predatory fanaticism. "Within our safe, enclosed habitats, these middle-of-the-road Republican Party members can freely support increased funding for public education and even gay rights without being threatened by the far-right subgenus."
Working within a narrow three-election-cycle window to reverse the decline before extinction becomes imminent, political conservationists told reporters they have already begun the arduous process of tracking down members of the elusive breed of sensible, non-reactionary public officeholders, which a generation ago was one of the most plentiful GOP species in existence.
IPPM officials also said that while there is no guarantee they will ever be able to restore the moderate-Republican population to its once-teeming levels, "every effort must be made" to forcibly breed the species and at least keep it alive in the Midwest and Northeast, where its chances for survival remain highest.
The Onion's editors apparently don't get to South Dakota much or they don't consider South Dakota to be part of the Midwest.  The moderate Republican is nearly extinct here. In addition to worrying about the demise of the moderate Republican, those who enjoy political diversity should be worried that one rarely sees a Democrat in the South Dakota political environment.

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